It has been three years since my last disastrous relationship and four since my ex-wife and I parted ways. And to this day I remain and enjoy being alone, for the most part. However, I refuse to settle.
Last night my cousin Vanessa and I were up talking well into the early hours of the morning. During our talk, I had somewhat of an epiphany. We were discussing my relationship with Mye. A woman who, by all accounts, fits most of what I am looking for.
She is intelligent, even if she is not a scholar. She is beautiful, in every sense of the word. She is very compassionate and kind. She knows her worth. She can and does communicate with me. She understands the importance knowing and feeding my love languages. She wants to know and love my children. She is spiritual. She loves me for who I am, flaws, mental illness and all.
That is literally everything on my list of what I want and need from a partner. And yet I don’t want her for that role. And last night I think I figured out why.
I am not a religious person, in fact I don’t believe in the idea of organized religion at all. I am, however, a deeply spiritual person. I believe fully that God is the foundation for life. My goal is to grow closer to Him, to become the man He created me to be.
He has to be at the center of any relationship I choose to be in. I want my chosen partner to be in love with God as deeply as I am. My previous marriage was built around each other. I was disconnected from God and put her in His place.
My previous girlfriend Lauren was not very spiritual at all. God was not in that relationship.
As for Jazzmine and I, even though we were never together. I was finding my love for God, it wasn’t even remotely close to my love for her. Again I put her in His place. And while her love for Him was deep, she put me in His place as well.
I don’t want any of those again. They were doomed from the start. And Mye doesn’t have the same love for Him as I do. While deeply spiritual, her beliefs and my own are very different. The one thing I cannot compromise.
One day I will find someone and all the waiting will have been worth it. Until then, I choose to remain single and satisfied.