I had an amazing birthday yesterday. One of the best I’ve had in years. I spent it with my sons and made dinner for us and four of my closest friends.
I don’t celebrate my birthday or make the day about me. At least not in the normal way. I accept all the happy birthday calls, texts and posts on my social media accounts. It can be touching and make makes me smile.
But for me, with my love languages being quality time and physical touch, I love a small intimate gathering of the people I love most. And so Andrea, Angie, Natasha, and Frank all came over for a dinner I had prepared and to play super smash bro’s.
Natasha and Andrea helped me cook, which is new. We all caught up on life, joked, laughed, listened to oldies and ate. It was simple and it was amazing. My sons being there and enjoying the day made it exponentially better.
There was only one way for it to have been better, and that was what I wished for. Jazzmine, once my tiny one, I’ve mentioned her before, many, many times I know.
I didn’t wish for her to be there with me. I didn’t wish for her to love me again or give me a chance. I wished for her to find courage, to find joy and to find peace.
The world is crazy right now and I wish I could give her comfort, shelter or to at least let her know that if ever she needed me I wouldn’t hesitate to go to her. I wish I could give her the courage and the reassurance that should she seek me out for closure, she would be safe.
Alas, she is always in my prayers and every wish I make is for her life to have joy. Even if I will never again be the reason she smiles, I want her to smile everyday. Even still, I love her with every breath.
Goodnight beloved, sweet dreams.